Jim and Cindy sit at their dining room table. Both are confused and angry, not knowing what to do…
They love each other, but during their first year of marriage, tension has begun to build between them. Subconsciously, both are attempting to shape their relationship according to their home of origin. It isn’t working, but they still try, and continue to visualize each other as the primary cause of the problem. What they are not aware of is the fact that we are more likely to reproduce the negative behaviors of our parents rather than the positive behaviors.
At this point, one, or both are beginning to wonder if they married the wrong person, or how they can get their spouse to change. Actually, that’s all they know to do…attempt to reproduce what they have seen modeled in their presence. Now they are wondering how they can save their marriage, but see no real way to do so.
Can a shared vision turn things around? The answer is yes!
So, what is a vision? A vision is a mental picture of what we want to be and do in the future. It’s our mental road map. The problem is, both parties have a road map in mind, but have no idea of what their partner’s road map looks like. The first step to a shared vision is one of a personal nature. Neither Jim nor Cindy can verbalize or write out their own vision for their life.
A good vision is one that gives us a clear picture of what we want in life, what we value, and see as important. It may include our wildest dreams and deep heart desires. A good healthy vision is not concerned with how to get there; that will come later. The personal vision may include owning a home, building your own business, or career. Maybe even advancing your education.
Assuming that both husband and wife have their personal vision in place, it’s time to move to the next step…sharing their personal vision with each other. It is very important that neither person invalidates nor minimizes their mates vision, nor makes light of them. Both needs the freedom to express their dreams. Your visions will differ one from the other. Both have different backgrounds, values, interests, and priorities. Rather than see these as a threat to your relationship, you can now see them as a valuable asset, strong points that each of you can contribute. It’s now time to set aside the self-centered ego, and begin to blend the two visions into one shared vision.
Remember, differences can become a phenomenal source of growth. Now that you have an understanding of your partner’s vision, it’s time to create a strategy or plan to make your shared vision a reality. And yes, this can be done! The primary thing to remember at this point is, you are now team mates, partners in life. You no longer need to strive against each other. You can now use that wasted energy to build your marriage together. Forget the divorce, let’s move forward together. More information and great insights will be shared in part two. Right now, begin to formulate your personal vision for life.